Left 2 P
by FEARFAN
Summary: Left 4 Dead parody one shot using bathroom tropes. The Witch has to pee and ran into stuff that keeps her from doing so. Just for humorous purposes and using Left 4 Dead's bathroom tropes.
1. The Witch's bathroom hunt

"Zoey!" Francis shouted. "Make a run for it."

Just Zoey's luck.

The survivors had turned a corner in order to continue their escape to safety. A witch had been sealed by the darkness and the survivors had just missed her eyes. I mean, they knew she was around the general area, just not right in the middle of the red line. And of course there was the common infected that forced them to avoid looking at the entire area carefully. While they had been gunning down infected left and right, one of Zoey's bullets had punctured through the skin of the witch. The witch charged right at Zoey will full force. The survivors we're currently unleashing all of their remaining ammo that they held in their guns at the Witch.

Unfortunately, Zoey's gun ran out of ammo. Zoey looked at her gun in fear.

"Zoey!" Francis shouted.

"Dear god." Bill shouted.

"Mommy." Louis said.

Zoey looked up in fear as the witch raised her arm up to slash at Zoey.

**GGGGRRRROOOOAAANNNNNNN**

The Witch had suddenly stopped with her attack. Everyone, even the witch was surprised at this. The Witch suddenly looked down towards where her panty was. The Witch suddenly stopped all movement and looked straight down. Nothing happened for a few minutes.

**GGGGRRRROOOOAAANNNNNNN**

Suddenly the Witch grabbed her crotch where her panty was. Her legs clamped together. She began to look worryingly around the area. Her legs began to squeeze together and tighten. The change happened so fast that the survivors put down their weapons. The Witch looked right at them. The Witch's expression went to that of embarrassment and waved her hand towards the survivors. The witch walked away from the survivors with her hand still by her crotch. The witch quickly ran away as quick as her attack had begun. The survivors looked at the entire thing extremely confused.

"What was up with her?" Zoey asked.

"It kind of looked like she had to piss." Francis said.

**WITCH IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII 100 ****•**

The Witch began to walk to find a toilet. Now in the zombie apocalypse, where people are practically nonexistent, it's actually not too hard to find a working toilet. There's no one around. Alive at least. Most of the infected by now we're probably heading towards the survivors anyway.

The Witch ran with her hand, pressing, looking for the restroom. There was of course no restrooms in anywhere near the vicinity she was at, so the witch had to continue on her own, her bladder pressing to get out.

**WITCH IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII 90 ****•**

The witch finally got out of the sub ways where she had the Red line was. She know had to have both of her hands pressed together, but at least now there was a restroom right when she out. The facility was right there…

Dammit! The Witch froze to see a line of infected in front of the door. Several infected girls we're also waiting for the door to open. She grunted in anger from the line, but since it wasn't long, she decided to go in. After all, the restroom had two toilets.

The Witch inched her way towards the back of the line. From that point, all the Witch was capable of doing was bobbing up and down and jumping in order to keep her system pressed in.

**WITCH IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII 85 ****•**

The Witch had been waiting for more than ten minutes now and now was performing a desperate pee dance. She knew she wasn't going to make it if this continued. With her legs tightly crossed and her hands pressing hard, she had to find a way to get closer to relief. There was still ten other infected zombies in front of her, and all of them we're as desperate as her. Must have been $1 beer day at the local bar and they served way too many zombies. Of course there was. There was billions of them. The witch jumped up to see if there was any end to the line.

**WITCH IIIIIIIIIIIIIII 75 ****•**

The witch landed, immediately regretting what she just did. She had lost control for a second, but that one second could have ended it all for her. She gripped her crotch and squeezed as hard as she could as she felt her legs twist around. If her legs had the ability to twist around twice, they would.

The Witch now had to stay behind as the line slowly moved towards the bathroom. It seemed like an eternity.

**WITCH IIIIIIIIIIII 60 ****•**

Seven more in line. She was angry at this. She debated in her mind whether to tear apart the zombies. It seemed like a good idea. Yeah. They couldn't use the bathroom while they we're corpses again. She lifted up her claws and prepared to strike.

**WITCH IIIIIIIIIII 55 ****•**

Again, another bad choice. The witch couldn't keep her claws from leaving anywhere near the area of her crotch. Perhaps going out with the Hunter an hour before the survivors ran into her was a bad idea. The four beers we're now coming back to her. Now the witch had to get them out of her. She continued to keep her legs together as her body ached to get it out.

The witch wanted to cry when what happened next. A Spitter came out of the bathroom and put a "Out of Order" sign on it. The Witch wanted to kill that Spitter. Damn them in their acid. Why can't they just squat outside like the other 50% of the zombie population.

Outside! Of course! Why didn't she think of it before! After all, she spent most of her time outside anyway. Why not just go there? She left the line and into the outside…

Only to see about seven dozen wandering everywhere.

**WITCH IIIIIIII 40 ****•**

With her bladder nearly reaching the breaking point, and no area remotely allowing her to hide, the Witch's only option at this point was to head to the warehouse nearby the Gas station. Every time she tried to squat down somewhere, she always managed to see a Hunter and/or Smoker on the roof. Hunter. Probably still thinking he could get her. She hissed at the idea and continued to run towards the warehouse.

After entering in through the roof like the other survivors had done, the Witch headed towards the bathroom in the right.

When she entered though, she saw two Chargers duking it out in there. She hissed at the fact they we're in there, but the call of nature prevented her from caring. With her legs pressed together, she inched herself towards the toilet.

Only for it to be shattered when the Charger charged his buddy through the wall and stomped on it.

**WITCH IIIIIII 35 ****•**

As she continued to dance in the room and tighten her lock in further, she couldn't help but think how the day she was going through could get any worse than it had now. She blocked it out assuming that it would get worse. She decided to head to the bathroom that was on the lower floor.

She got there. She first looked around the hallway for any signs of bad luck. With nothing in sight, she made a dash towards it.

(Incoming attack)

She knew that yell. That was the sign of the horde beginning an attack on the survivors. Seconds later, she heard footsteps.

She jumped. They we're coming this way. Even she couldn't stop the force of a hundred angry infected at her. She held her hands up to stop coming, but she ended up getting lost in the horde.

**WITCH IIII 20 ****•**

By the time had recovered, she was already far away from the warehouse. The infected had pushed hard far away from it. She was at Mercy hospital.

Mercy Hospital! She could found a restroom here easily. She ran in with the suddenly and found a lavatory nearby. But there was a strange object in the way. And it was moving. Assuming it was a Charger, the Witch, already angry at the fact that she almost could never make it into a restroom yet, clawed at it.

A tank turned around.

**WITCH I 5 ****•**

The Witch nearly froze up when she saw the Tank. She even slightly pissed herself, but held the rest back. The Witch could do nothing but stay there for a few minutes as the Tank looked at her. The Witch could do nothing but stare as the Tank looked at her. The Witch again waved hi to the tank, trying to make it completely unobvious, failing horribly to it. The Witch legs had twisted around them twice, and her hand could not leave her crotch. Even then some of her bladder leaked. The Witch walked away from the Tank.

By the time she got in another hallway, she believed it was hopeless now and decided to use whatever she could for a toilet. There was a plant in the area and she decided that was the only thing she could you use. As she was about to pull down her pants, she looked up to see a toilet. Right there. Right in front of her. She almost felt like the heavens opened up.

**WITCH I 2 ****•**

"Hang on!" Zoey's voice echoed from the hallway. "I got to use the can."

The Witch looked up to see the girl she had tried to attack earlier running straight towards the bathroom. At this point, the Witch just lost it. She ran straight towards Zoey. Zoey turned around to see the Witch running right at her. Zoey held up her weapon to fire.

Only to see the Witch run past her.

**WITCH I 1 ****•**

Zoey turned around to see the door slam behind her. A locking sound was heard from the door. Zoey was confused for a few seconds.

Seconds later, a sound of someone urinating was coming from it. Zoey was even more confused now. As well as the rest of her comrades when they arrived.

"So…uh…how long you going to be in there?" Zoey asked.

The Witch groaned loudly.

"I'll wait." Zoey said.


	2. The Witch peed her pants

**Just an alternate ending with more scenes to it of what would happen if the Witch ended up peeing her pants.**

**More lol humor**

"Zoey!" Francis shouted. "Make a run for it."

Just Zoey's luck.

The survivors had turned a corner in order to continue their escape to safety. A witch had been sealed by the darkness and the survivors had just missed her eyes. I mean, they knew she was around the general area, just not right in the middle of the red line. And of course there was the common infected that forced them to avoid looking at the entire area carefully. While they had been gunning down infected left and right, one of Zoey's bullets had punctured through the skin of the witch. The witch charged right at Zoey will full force. The survivors we're currently unleashing all of their remaining ammo that they held in their guns at the Witch.

Unfortunately, Zoey's gun ran out of ammo. Zoey looked at her gun in fear.

"Zoey!" Francis shouted.

"Dear god." Bill shouted.

"Mommy." Louis said.

Zoey looked up in fear as the witch raised her arm up to slash at Zoey.

**GGGGRRRROOOOAAANNNNNNN**

The Witch had suddenly stopped with her attack. Everyone, even the witch was surprised at this. The Witch suddenly looked down towards where her panty was. The Witch suddenly stopped all movement and looked straight down. Nothing happened for a few minutes.

**GGGGRRRROOOOAAANNNNNNN**

Suddenly the Witch grabbed her crotch where her panty was. Her legs clamped together. She began to look worryingly around the area. Her legs began to squeeze together and tighten. The change happened so fast that the survivors put down their weapons. The Witch looked right at them. The Witch's expression went to that of embarrassment and waved her hand towards the survivors. The witch walked away from the survivors with her hand still by her crotch. The witch quickly ran away as quick as her attack had begun. The survivors looked at the entire thing extremely confused.

"What was up with her?" Zoey asked.

"It kind of looked like she had to piss." Francis said.

**WITCH IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII 100 ****•**

The Witch began to walk to find a toilet. Now in the zombie apocalypse, where people are practically nonexistent, it's actually not too hard to find a working toilet. There's no one around. Alive at least. Most of the infected by now we're probably heading towards the survivors anyway.

The Witch ran with her hand, pressing, looking for the restroom. There was of course no restrooms in anywhere near the vicinity she was at, so the witch had to continue on her own, her bladder pressing to get out.

As she ran through the streets, some of her witch friends were over by a local pub. Unbeknownst to the survivors, the zombies were actually enjoying the commodities left from the former human world, such as their beer. Some of started their own business, and reopened shops and factories. The survivors never notice this because the zombies believe they have to act like zombies, until the survivors pass. The unwritten law for zombies: Don't let humans know your smart. Then they go around doing what they did prior to that.

The Witch really had to pee, but went over. She made a series of moans (as the zombies couldn't speak still; but they knew what the other was saying). She went over, keeping her legs together, and moaned back.

_Witch 1: Yo Brianna. Buy 1 get one free at the pub._

_Witch who has to pee: That's cool!...but uhh...hey...I gotta go._

_Witch 2: Oh no you don't...your not getting away that easily. C'mon...let's party girl!_

The which really wanted to stop and pee, but felt compelled to go and attend their friends outing. After all, the pub would have a toilet in there.

_Witch who has to pee: They have a restroom here right?_

_Witch 2: I think so._

This help the witch's thoughts and alleviated her predicament. But it was too good to be true...the pub's bathroom had collapsed Only the men's room was open. The witch couldn't believe it...worse else, now she felt compelled to stay with her friends. So the three witches were now in the bar among other zombies, drinking away. Which the Witch knew would be a problem.

At least she didn't feel like the only one. Two female zombies ran out of the bar, holding their crotches into the alley.

**WITCH IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII 95 ****•**

The witch drank the beer, even though she had no desire to. Which only helped to further increase her trouble. her bladder was plaguing her, but her friends didn't notice her pain. She held her hands on her crotch, and did her best to answer any questions her friends had. She knew because of her dead body that the beer wouldn't stick too long in her system and had to get away.

But her friends kept her busy with the two:

_Witch 1: __Check out that Hunter over there...he looks pretty hot._

_Witch 2: Brianna, you should totally go over there and say hi._

_Brianna: I don't know guys...I mean...I really need to get somewhere...and like soon._

_Witch 1: C'mon we'll even introduce you._

She really didn't want to say hi. Her plaguing bladder would always remind her of it. Before she could try and get away, a Smoker popped into the bar.

_"HUMANS!"_ He shouted. _"Get to your stations people!"_

_Witch 1: Oh shit...Brianna let's go! I hope they come by me...I wouldn't mind a little snack._

The whole bar become panicked and everyone was doing their best to be sure no one would suspect that the dead were intelligent. The Witch stood there for a few minutes, and decided to use this a opportunity to leave.

Which she did.

**WITCH IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII 90 ****•**

The witch finally got out of the sub ways where she had the Red line was. She know had to have both of her hands pressed together, but at least now there was a restroom right when she out, and she wouldn't feel as embarrassed about having to pee. The facility was right there…

Dammit! The Witch froze to see a line of infected in front of the door. Several infected girls, numbering about 16 we're also waiting for the door to open. She grunted in anger from the line, but since it wasn't long, she decided to go in. After all, the restroom had two toilets.

The Witch inched her way towards the back of the line. From that point, all the Witch was capable of doing was bobbing up and down and jumping in order to keep her system pressed in. She and one other infected girl squirmed in all directions, and had their feet pressed as close as possible.

**WITCH IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII 85 ****•**

The Witch had been waiting for more than ten minutes now and now was performing a desperate pee dance. She knew she wasn't going to make it if this continued. With her legs tightly crossed and her hands pressing hard, she had to find a way to get closer to relief. There was still ten other infected zombies in front of her, and all of them we're as desperate as her. Must have been $1 beer day at the bar and they served way too many zombies. Of course there was. There was billions of them.

_Oh god. _The other real desperate girl moaned. _I'm at my limit. I can't take it anymore. I'm...I'm..._

The witch watched as the other desperate girl perked up and sighed with relief. She had wet herself. A thick stream and drops of water came from below her skirt. She continued to press her skirt, not realizing she was making a visible wet spot on it. Another girl a few seconds later wet herself because the sound of the water hitting the floor reminded her of water flowing from a sink. The girls then looked at their pants and covered them up in humiliation. They slowly walked away from the line, hoping that people would think that the person wet themselves before they died and became a zombie.

The witch plugged her ears when she heard the first drips so she didn't wet herself like the other. Although the line had been reduced, it still looked big. The witch jumped up to see if there was any end to the line.

**WITCH IIIIIIIIIIIIIII 75 ****•**

The witch landed, immediately regretting what she just did. She had lost control for a second, but that one second could have ended it all for her. She gripped her crotch and squeezed as hard as she could as she felt her legs twist around. If her legs had the ability to twist around twice, they would.

The Witch now had to stay behind as the line slowly moved towards the bathroom. It seemed like an eternity.

**WITCH IIIIIIIIIIIII 70 ****•**

Seven more in line. She was angry at this. She debated in her mind whether to tear apart the zombies. It seemed like a good idea. Yeah. They couldn't use the bathroom while they we're corpses again. She lifted up her claws and prepared to strike.

**WITCH IIIIIIIIIII 60 ****•**

Again, another bad choice. The witch couldn't keep her claws from leaving anywhere near the area of her crotch. Perhaps going out with the Hunter an hour before the survivors ran into her was a bad idea. The four beers we're now coming back to her. Now the witch had to get them out of her. She continued to keep her legs together as her body ached to get it out.

The witch wanted to cry when what happened next. A Spitter came out of the bathroom and put a "Out of Order" sign on it. The Witch wanted to kill that Spitter. Damn them in their acid. Why can't they just squat outside like the other 50% of the zombie population? Bathrooms were becoming a serious issue for them, as well as food and commodities.

Outside! Of course! Why didn't she think of it before! After all, she spent most of her time outside anyway. Why not just go there? She left the line and into the outside…

Only to see about seven dozen wandering everywhere.

**WITCH IIIIIIII 40 ****•**

With her bladder nearly reaching the breaking point, and no area remotely allowing her to hide, the Witch's only option at this point was to head to the warehouse nearby the Gas station. Every time she tried to squat down somewhere, she always managed to see a Hunter and/or Smoker on the roof. Hunter. Probably still thinking he could get her. She hissed at the idea and continued to run towards the warehouse.

After entering in through the roof like the other survivors had done, the Witch headed towards the bathroom in the right.

When she entered though, she saw two Chargers duking it out in there. She hissed at the fact they we're in there, but the call of nature prevented her from caring. With her legs pressed together, she inched herself towards the toilet.

Only for it to be shattered when the Charger charged his buddy through the wall and stomped on it.

**WITCH ****IIIIIII** 35 **•**

She needed to get the restroom soon. Clothing was hard to come by these days (another commodity needed for the new zombie nation), and she didn't want to wet herself. But she couldn't run around naked, as even other zombies had a sense of shame.

She found a bucket in a nearby hallway. With desperation overriding her common sense, she pulled down her underpants and sat on the bucket. Before she could even the slightest drop out, she saw that a Hunter was using the water in there to mop up the room.

The Witch stared at him for a few seconds before pulling her clothing up, dancing desperately for a few moments, and running away again. The Hunter just scratched his head and continued his work.

**WITCH IIIIII 30 ****•**

As she continued to dance in the room and tighten her lock in further, she couldn't help but think how the day she was going through could get any worse than it had now. She blocked it out assuming that it would get worse. She decided to head to the bathroom that was on the lower floor.

She got there. She first looked around the hallway for any signs of bad luck. With nothing in sight, she made a dash towards it.

(Incoming attack)

She knew that yell. That was the sign of the horde beginning an attack on the survivors. Seconds later, she heard footsteps.

She jumped. They we're coming this way. Even she couldn't stop the force of a hundred angry infected at her. She held her hands up to stop coming, but she ended up getting lost in the horde.

**WITCH IIII 20 ****•**

By the time had recovered, she was already far away from the warehouse. The infected had pushed hard far away from it. She was at Mercy hospital.

Mercy Hospital! She could found a restroom here easily. She ran in with the suddenly and found a lavatory nearby. But there was a strange object in the way. And it was moving. Assuming it was a Charger, the Witch, already angry at the fact that she almost could never make it into a restroom yet, clawed at it.

A tank turned around.

**WITCH I 5 ****•**

The Witch nearly froze up when she saw the Tank. She even slightly pissed herself, but held the rest back. The Witch could do nothing but stay there for a few minutes as the Tank looked at her. The Witch could do nothing but stare as the Tank looked at her. The Witch again waved hi to the tank, trying to make it completely unobvious, failing horribly to it. The Witch legs had twisted around them twice, and her hand could not leave her crotch. Even then some of her bladder leaked. The Witch walked away from the Tank.

By the time she got in another hallway, she believed it was hopeless now and decided to use whatever she could for a toilet. There was a plant in the area and she decided that was the only thing she could you use. As she was about to pull down her pants, she looked up to see a toilet. Right there. Right in front of her. She almost felt like the heavens opened up.

**WITCH I 2 ****•**

"Hang on!" Zoey's voice echoed from the hallway. "I got to use the can."

The Witch looked up to see the girl she had tried to attack earlier running straight towards the bathroom. At this point, the Witch just lost it. She ran straight towards Zoey. Zoey turned around to see the Witch running right at her. Zoey held up her weapon to fire.

Only to see the Witch run into her...without clawing her

**WITCH 0 ****•**

(The witch has peed herself)

Zoey had her guns pointed at the Witch, but the Witch did nothing but give Zoey a goofy stare, and stare at Zoey with her legs crossed and her hands on her crotch. But the floodgates of her bladder had been opened and she could only stare with relief as a small puddle flooded the floor below her. The Witch then sighed and looked at herself. The underwear which she had on was all ruined. The Witch could only go on the floor and look at herself.

"Did...did you use the bathroom?" Zoey asked...thinking she could communicate.

The Witch nodded, never breaking her head to Zoey.

"Well...sorry about that." She continued. At this point, driven by fear, confusion, and the fact she had to pee pretty bad herself as she moved her hand to her crotch. "Umm...well...see ya."

The Witch however, did not feel that her making it to the restroom and causing her to wet herself was just. She sprinted at Zoey, and grabbed her stomach and where her bladder was and squeezed as hard as she could.

"Hey; what do you thin you're doing!?" Zoey said. Zoey could feel the huge surge of urgency overtake her as he bladder was squeezed. The Witch did this for two seconds more, and Zoey perked up.

**Zoey 0 ****•**

(Zoey has peed herself)

Zoey's pants now had a thick pee stain from her pant to pant leg. She stood there in relief for a minute before she fell to the floor to in the same position as the witch...beaten and humiliated.

"You know; that was real rude!" She shouted.

The Witch groaned loudly.

"Nevermind!" Zoey said as quick as she could.

The Witch then got up and walked away, a cloud of depression hanging over her and disappeared out of sight.

Zoey never forgot that encounter with the Witch...and the day itself as Francis joked about how she managed to pee herself 5 feet away from a non zombie infested bathroom.


End file.
